For most people, pregnancy is wonderful news. The expectation of a baby simply makes one light up, and all you want to do is rush through those nine months and see the baby already. The baby is often very anticipated and some parents go to great lengths to prepare for them. It is probably why the news of a miscarriage or a still birth is often very shattering. Hearing that your baby is gone may do so much damage, and no matter how well prepared you think you are, no one is ever really ready to hear that. Here are some ways to help you cope with that loss and move on after losing a baby:
ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE
Grief is a natural part of coping with loss. It is proceeded by denial and anger. Everyone grieves the loss of a loved one, and they express it differently.
Sometimes, people feel the need to stop themselves from grieving. If you have lost a child, you may find yourself carrying on with so many things just to prevent yourself from thinking about it. You may find yourself doing things more aggressively or picking up new habits just to stop yourself from thinking about it. It may feel like you won’t be able to take it if you let yourself start to comprehend the magnitude of yourself.
The truth, though, is that you are stronger than you think. Let yourself grieve the loss of your child. Let out all the emotions. Let yourself feel the anger, and let the tears flow when you feel the need to cry. Do whatever you need to do to grieve the loss of your child. Pack up their clothes in storage and diaper carriers and clear their nursery. Don’t hold back, because this is the only way you will ever truly heal.
GET IN TOUCH WITH A SUPPORT SYSTEM
Sometimes grief affects our emotional health more drastically than expected. Sometime you are simply unable to accept your loss and move on even months after it happens. You may begin experiencing intense anxiety that may even play out as new phobias and constant panic attacks. You may also start feeling depressed with your thoughts constantly revolving around your loss.
If this is happening to you, you should reach out to the people who are closest to you and find support from them. Let them help you however they can. You can find a support group with moms who are struggling with a loss like yours. These are in a position to understand you better than anyone and will help you talk it out. You can share your experience and listen to theirs.
SEEK THE HELP OF A COUNSELOR
If you feel like you need more help beyond that offered by your friends and family, feel free to reach out to a professional. It could be a therapist, a counselor or a psychologist. These individuals are trained to understand what you are going through and guide you through the pain until you are strong enough to move on by yourself.
If you are feeling strong enough for it, you can find one yourself. It is okay to ask your friends and family to help you find one too. It is also okay to end sessions if you don’t feel like you are getting help, until you find one who you feel is right for you. When you do, open up and tell them everything you are feeling. Let them hear you out, cry if you need to and attend for as long as you feel you need to.
Your partner, family and friends will probably do their best to there for you. Some will want to be with you for along as you want them around, others will come or call to check in on you as often as they can, others will send messages of condolences, love and even gifts. Others will try to cheer you up and others will just want to listen.
It is okay of you feel like you don’t really need all that. You can ask them to stop or have someone else talk to them. You should, however, understand that everyone has a different way of showing that they care. Some will know just how far to go, others will have no idea how to start and go about it. Some will treat you very delicately and others will be clumsy.
It is okay to accept this support.
PRACTICE SELF CARE
In the movies, people lock themselves in their rooms and go days without eating. When they come out they grab a bottle of whiskey and head right back for another week or so. When they do come out, they are in great shape and look ready to conquer the day.
In reality, however, this will probably not be the case. You shouldn’t cut yourself off from people who love you. It is okay to lose appetite and just want to drown your sorrow in a bottle of vodka but that will just make you feel worse.
You could do some self-care instead. Book a spa day and let them massage you and feed you exotic foods. Get that mani-pedi and revamp your closet. Cook something nice for you and the family and watch a few episodes of your favorite show. You will feel much better each day.
STRENGTHEN YOUR RESOLVE TO SURVIVE
The most important thing, above all, is actually being willing to get past your trauma and survive. Look forward to tomorrow and new things and be ready to heal. You have to WANT to be okay. If you doom yourself to an eternity of grief and pain, you will have a harder time getting out of it.
In conclusion, this may sound all too easy and good but all you have to do is try. Take the first step and put one foot in front of the other, and you will have started your journey to recovery. Don’t force yourself to forget all about it; remember your child but accept that he is gone. Use their name when talking about them and let yourself feel the pain of it at the moment – it will get better with time. Remember, time heals all wounds. Also, click here for the best baby and maternity deals.